Whatever Happened To Dear 'Ole Deck?
by NyxandNixi
Summary: What happened to Lydecker? Hmmm this Fic may be the answer! What do you think would happen if you take a bunch of random songs, Logan, Max, and mutant piranhas? This fic! How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? I'll
1. CHEESE MONKEY'S! IT'S THE CHEESE MONKEY'...

Whatever Happened To Dear 'Ole Deck?  
  
"Hey, Logan, what ever happened to dear 'ole Deck anyways?" Max asked from the couch.  
  
They were hanging around in Max's apartment while Logan looked for a home.  
  
"Didn't I tell you?" Logan asked.  
  
"Tell me what?"  
  
"Oh well, I have reason to believe he was eaten by mutant piranhas."  
  
"What?" Max wondered, clearly confused.  
  
"Yeah. I mean think of it. If he was alive he would have called us or something, right?"  
  
"But there were no bones."  
  
"*Mutant* piranhas. They can eat bones."  
  
"It was salt water and it's too cold."  
  
"Do I really have to stress the word 'mutant'?"  
  
"Mutant piranhas?"  
  
"Either that or aliens." Logan said pulling out a hat with two green glowing aliens attached to springs. They were bouncing around with every move he made. Then with a flip of a switch the X-files theme began to play.  
  
"Logan you're crazy!"  
  
"No! Aliens took all the purple swans away! And replaced them with cheese monkey's! CHEESE MONKEY'S I TELL YOU!"  
  
"Logan," Max said concerned, "remember I told you, licking toads is bad."  
  
"I know you're secrets!!" Logan cried out.  
  
"." Max was clearly confused.  
  
"Yes, the lamp and the mugget told me everything. Richard, don't you understand? It's the blue wire, not the red one.no! Not the blue one.BOOM!" he made a huge circle with his arms.  
  
"Logan, I'm taking you to a doctor. We knew there would be consequences with Joshua's blood but we didn't know about this."  
  
"But papa! Jamaica they have a bobsled team! Oooh! Richard, let's sing songs!" Logan said to Max as she put him down in his wheel chair. "But only if I'm not Roller-boy and sit n' spin!" He said but Max ignored him.  
  
"Sure thing Logan." She said absentmindedly.  
  
"Once we all did honest work. Farmer, lawyer, clerk. Married men, and single men, and some who aint sure. Now I look at them and see Duplicates of me. Cured of what we suffered from and sufferin' from the cure." He sang in a nice impression of a very young Clint Eastwood.  
  
"Logan. Stop that. It's creepy." Max said getting him in the car.  
  
"Okay, Richard, next song then? Okay I got one.  
  
The first thing you know.... They civilize the foothills and everywhere he put hills. The mountains and valleys below. They come along and take em and civilize and make 'em a place where no civilized person would go. The first thing you know. The first think you knoooww. They civilize what's pretty by puttin' up a city where nothing that's pretty can grow. They muddy up the winter and civilize it inter, a place too uncivilized even for snow. The first thing you know. They civilize left. They civilize right. 'Till nothing is left. 'Till nothing is right. They civilize freedom 'till no one is free. No one except.... by coincidence, me. The first thing you-"  
  
"LOGAN! THAT'S ENOUGH! ENOUGH OF ALL THE OLD WESTERN SONGS!" Max screamed.  
  
"No more old western songs?" He asked almost tearfully.  
  
"Right."  
  
Logan shrugged, "Okay, Richard whatever you say."  
  
Silence.  
  
"No student can escape the magic of Lunchlady Land  
  
Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders.  
  
Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders.  
  
Navy beans, navy beans, navy beans.  
  
Hoagies & grinders, hoagies & grinders.  
  
Navy beans, navy beans.  
  
Meatloaf sandwich.  
  
Sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe,  
  
Sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe,  
  
Sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe,  
  
Sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe,  
  
Well I dreamt one morning.  
  
That I woke up to see  
  
All the pepperoni pizza  
  
was a-looking at me.  
  
It screamed, why do you burn me  
  
and serve me up cold?  
  
I said I got the spatula  
  
Just do what you're told.  
  
Then the liver & onions  
  
Started joining the fight  
  
and the chocolate pudding  
  
pushed me with all its might.  
  
And the chop suey slapped me  
  
and it kicked me in the head.  
  
It's called revenge Lunchlady  
  
Said the garlic bread.  
  
I said what did I do  
  
To make you all so mad.  
  
They said you got flabby arms  
  
and your breath is bad.  
  
Then the green beans said  
  
you better run and hide.  
  
But then my friend sloppy joe came  
  
and joined my side.  
  
He said if it wasn't for the Lunchlady  
  
The kids wouldn't eatcha  
  
You should be shakin' her hand  
  
And sayin' please to meet ya.  
  
She gives you a purpose  
  
And she gives you a goal  
  
You should be kissin' her feet  
  
And kissin' her mole.  
  
Now all the angry foods  
  
Just leave me alone  
  
and we all live together  
  
in a happy home.  
  
Thanks to  
  
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe,  
  
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe,  
  
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe,  
  
sloppy joe, slop, sloppy joe,  
  
[Spoken]  
  
Well me & sloppy joe got married  
  
We got six kids and we're doing' just fine  
  
Down in Lunchlady Laaaaaand!!!"  
  
Max rolled her eyes, sighed and rushed through the doors of the hospital. A nurse came up to them.  
  
"What's wrong?" She asked.  
  
"I think my friend has been licking toads or something." Max answered.  
  
"You're evil!! EVIL!" Logan cried out and put his two index fingers in the shape of a cross and put them up in front of his face.  
  
"What are the symptoms?" The doctor asked coming up to them.  
  
"He keeps singing and saying weird things."  
  
"Do you know for sure if he does drugs?"  
  
"No. But he's not really the type." Max answered.  
  
The doctor made a hmmm noise and looked into Logan's eyes. Then the doctor said in a deep voice "Disorientation, and freakiness. Both unmistakable signs of hunger. Here, give him this." The doctor handed Max a Snickers. She gave it to Logan and he immediately jumped out of the chair of doom, turned to the camera, held up the candy bar by his face and smiled a huge fake smile at it.  
  
"Remember kids, if you ever start singing old musical songs, grab a Snickers!" Logan said but then lowered the candy bar and turned to Max, "Let's get home."  
  
She smiled and they walked down the hall side by side. "So, what really happened to Lydecker?" Max wondered as Logan took a bite off the Snickers.  
  
"Didn't I tell you?"  
  
"Tell me what?"  
  
"Mutant piranhas."  
  
Max gave him a strange look like 'oh boy here we go again' "Just kidding. He checked into a Motel 6 with some stripper."  
  
"Oh. So what do we do next, Roller-boy?" Max asked.  
  
Logan gave her a look and she gave out a small giggle, "Oh, did I say that out loud?"  
  
The end.  
  
^*^*^*^*^*^  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the people place or things in this fic. It's all a part of FOX who stupidly canceled it. Creation of James Cameron and Charles Eglee. I write for fun and don't get paid for this. Besides I have no money so if you try to take anything you'll end up with nothing. The songs are off the movie Paint Your Wagon and one off Cool Runnings.I think that's it. Oh and the Lunchlady land song is by Adam Sandler. I don't own Snickers either.  
  
Ok, I know it was short but I'd like it if you could tell me how I did on it! 


	2. To Post or Not to Post? That is your que...

Hey, once I think of a good story line, you want me to make a chapter 2 to this funfic? I'm glad you guys liked it as much as you did..can you imagine Logan actually acting like that? Anyways reply with your answer and I'll see if I can think up a short story.  
  
Thank you for reading my small fic it was fun writing it! 


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